Reframing the Way We Think

Perspective can keep us alive or cause death. Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, MD, an Auschwitz survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, wrote about a fellow inmate rendered weak and ill from starvation and debilitating work who determined to live until Christmas because she had heard that the camp would be liberated then. When the promised liberation failed, she died on Christmas Day. Thoughts and feelings can be exhilarating or toxic. The way we view our situation governs our physical and emotional health.

We can learn to look beyond our limited self-awareness. By examining our situation from different perspectives, we can view every circumstance from the past to the future, encompassing what happened and what we expect will happen. Simultaneously, we can consider our situation from the viewpoints of others. When we reflect on our circumstances from every possible angle, we gain a more complete and holistic view of reality. In doing so, our responses to our situations can become more constructive.

By becoming less fixated or attached to a situation, we can skillfully navigate conflict. Failure can foster emotional growth, and an adverse event can teach us to adjust our responses in the future. We can emphasize the positive aspects of challenging situations. By stepping back, we can see the long view and gain a clearer understanding of our actions and problems within the larger context of our lives. This allows us to realize that even though our situation may seem challenging now, these challenges will appear much more manageable from the perspective of a month, a year, or a decade.

When we respond to a situation with fear or anger, we cannot step back and acknowledge other perspectives and solutions. If we are cut off in traffic, instead of becoming angry and frustrated, we can look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. Perhaps the driver who cut us off was rushing to the hospital.

Stephen Covey told a story about being upset by two misbehaving children on the subway. He couldn’t understand why the father couldn’t control his children. The father merely sat silently, staring off into space. Later, Covey discovered that the man’s wife had died in the hospital, and he was taking his children home. When we suffer, we must remember that others are also suffering.

A narrow viewpoint prevents us from seeing our experiences from a universal perspective. A God’s-eye overview changes our perspective. Astronauts, when observing the Earth from space, see a small blue ball floating in the vast expanse devoid of our human-made borders. They never look at our world through personal or national interests in quite the same way; instead, they appreciate the preciousness of our planetary home. A broader perspective fosters serenity and equanimity.

We can learn to shift our perspective from focusing on “I,” “me,” and “mine” to “we,” “us,” and “ours,” adopting a more universal viewpoint. Research indicates that those who use personal pronouns have a greater risk of heart attack. In a multicenter prospective study of coronary heart disease, researcher Larry Scherwitz found that people who more frequently use personal pronouns had a higher risk of experiencing a heart attack and a greater likelihood that their heart attack would be fatal. This so-called self-involvement was a better predictor of death than smoking, high cholesterol levels, or high blood pressure.

Researcher Johannes Zimmerman found that people who use first-person singular words are more likely to be depressed than those who more frequently use first-person plural words such as “we” and “us.” When we have a broader perspective, we are less likely to dwell on self-centered thoughts.

When we contemplate our suffering and the suffering of others, we become more compassionate and view ourselves as suffering together rather than suffering alone. This shared experience has the power to lessen our pain. By reducing our attachment to our identity, we become less defensive and more capable of effectively collaborating with others.

Reframing a situation does not mean we lack the strength to confront issues; instead, we can face them with creativity and compassion instead of a rigid knee-jerk reaction. When we recognize the interdependence that surrounds us, we treat both others and ourselves with more extraordinary kindness. While we may not control every aspect of a situation, we can learn to shift our perspective, leading to a greater sense of humility, humor, and acceptance. Changing our perspective can create an equanimity that leads to an abundant life.